Likeable vs. Successful

I don't know how I've been finding them recently, but there has been article after article about how professional women are dealing with a variety of different aspects. The article I read today (http://spinsucks.com/entrepreneur/likable-vs-successful-the-issue-women-leaders-face/) was thought provoking and has some serious flaws.
I agree with the first paragraph. I love men too, for a variety of different reasons of course, but for one, I relate really well to them. I do have a brother, but he's younger, so it wasn't so much that I "learned" from men, it is just that I was brought up to be more straightforward, to stick up for myself and taught how to ask for what I want. My dad always told me I could do whatever I wanted, be whomever I wanted to be. It wasn't so much learning from a man those things, it was learning from my parents, teachers, friends and colleagues those things. Some of which are definitely men, but most of which just wanted me to be confident and self-reliant as a woman.
Do women have a significant place in this world? Obviously. For a variety of different reasons, some traditional, some more contemporary. All the statistics menitoned in the article, if actually true, probably aren't true because women are acting like men, otherwise those statistics would be similar to men, right? There is something different about women. Whether it is our ability to mix the "men" characteristics with the traditional "women" characteristics, or that it is the different way companies perceive women in "power" roles, there is still something different than just women taking on the "man" roles and traits.
As for the last paragraph in the article, I just flat disagree. The tone of that paragraph makes me wonder if the author has really ever hung out with men. The absolutely audaciously broad statement that men don't care what others think is just ridiculous and completely lacks insight. Sure, is that the "traditional" position of men? Maybe. But having hung out with men and had serious, in-depth conversations about their fears, concerns and aspirations in life, there is absolutely a very real sentiment of caring. In fact, the caring sometimes inhibits commitment due to intimidation. We're all human, we all have insecurities, even if some are masked by bravado.
Furthermore, that women adjust their behavior to be likeable? Once again a severe generalization. I, for one, have never been willing to compromise my stance just to be liked. It has caused some conflict, but I'm not confrontation averse. I can handle the dislike, which really I'm not sure would be classified that way. I stand up for what I believe in. In most eyes that makes me a strong woman, not necessarily "manly".
Interestingly, as I was reading this article I was also watching the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It".  A movie about a professional woman putting her family life in jeopardy to follow her career. Of course at some point she realizes that life has to change to accommodate the needs of her family. I say "of course" not as if that is always the case, but more so that, as humans, especially women, we're pulled different directions due to the traditional roles we've historically been characterized into. All of us have to determine what aspects of our life are more important and what facets are deemed appropriate for requesting compromise and consideration. Some women may do that better than some men, but don't discount the men that are doing it as well. What it comes down to is that we (men and women) operate differently in life, especially in professional roles. We frame our careers and families in different ways and it varies from person to person, not from gender to gender. The recognition comes though in that we can't look at it as a "man" or a "woman", we look at it as each individual human. It's much harder to write about, but a more honest approach. When it comes down to it, a line from the movie, "Trying to be a man, is a waste of a woman," really should be approached as "Trying to be anyone other than who we are, is a waste of who we are."

Trust

If there is one thing that I want to be known for in my personal and professional life it is integrity. Defined as adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty, there really isn't much else that matters in any kind of relationship when it comes down to the bare bones of people interacting. 

In my personal life, I want my friends to be able to tell me what troubles they are having or share a secret without worrying about who will find out. I'm a naturally guarded person when it comes to some personal information. It is just the way I am. Sometimes I think it prevents me from really connecting with people, so I'm working on how to share some information and feelings that I have, without compromising the trust my friends have in me. 

As with any relationship, I trust the other person to be faithful, to communicate when something needs to be discussed and to treat me with the respect everyone deserves. 

In work, I do my best to exceed the expectations I believe those working with me have. I try to be transparent, even when something isn't going well. I try to promptly communicate any challenges and work hard to think processes through to ensure that it makes the most sense for the group with which I am working. I carefully balance the objectives given to me by my company with those programs or suggestions I believe most benefit the small businesses for which I work. Sometimes I don't pick the program that will make me the most money, I pick the one that will make the most sense. Sometimes I don't charge for my time that is devoted to following up time after time. Sometimes I work outside my normal hours to make sure my account is weathering a particularly difficult time. 

That's why today, when my integrity with regards to a work project was questioned I just got pissed. There really isn't any other way to describe it. I was livid. It was really best I found out right before going to lunch, so I had time to calm myself before spending more time on the account that had just questioned me. More time coddling, more time chasing and more time doing what I can to help this account make better choices when it comes to anything digital. 

This is just business, and in this day and age when no one knows who to trust or where information comes from, I'm trying to look at it from a different angle, to understand where the concern came from, to understand how I could have even put myself in a position to be questioned. I can't come up with much, but I have to step back and realize that all I can do is move forward with the same integrity as before, because giving anything less would be meeting expectations, and I always look to exceed them.

Change

This is no secret: Change is hard. But what is possibly worse is knowing for sure that change is coming and having NO IDEA what that means.
My director at work is leaving. He announced his retirement a few weeks ago, and in the interim, the rest of us collectively have no idea what is going to happen. We don't know who our next director will be, how 2013 will begin or what lies ahead in the immediate future.
Now, let's be real. None of us ever really know what lies in the future. That takes crystal balls and tarot cards and sometimes some divine intervention, and if you've got that, you're rich and on a beach in Tahiti or something.
I'm not very good with change and I'm even worse with uncertainty. I'm a pretty steadfast planner. I like to know what is going on, to the extent that it drives some of those close to me that I ask what's for dinner sometimes before I've even eaten breakfast. I can't very well go have a plate of pasta for lunch if I'm going to have lasagna for dinner now can I?
The significant difference in what I'm having for dinner and most situations of uncertainty is that I can control what I'm having for dinner. I can't control who my boss will be in a month. After lots of stress and significant frustration over the lack of control I've reached a moment of peace. Let it go. Revel in the uncertainty. Think of it is an adventure instead of a frustration and take a deep breath and enjoy the ride. Too much control makes one crazy and gives me a big head. Time to deflate a little and just accept whatever comes.

Tea

As I sit here before bed drinking hot tea, it reminds me of a conversation I had a while back with some friends of mine about tea. One of the people involved in the conversation mentioned that he had given up soda a few months ago, but was not satisfied by drinking water all the time, so he was looking for other beverages to enjoy. Having given up soda a few years ago, I also went through the same quandary. The fact wasn't that I necessarily missed the sugary soda, but without soda (or fruit juice because it is essentially the same thing) the choices of beverages in America are significantly decreased.
The natural reaction of everyone is to "just drink water". Now, I love water. I sometimes drink multiple Nalgene bottles of it a day, but sometimes, water just doesn't cut it. For example, if I've been doing yardwork and it is somewhat dusty and my throat has a bit of a coating, water just doesn't work. Interestingly beer works magnificently, but drinking beer all the time in the middle of the day just to be refreshed isn't a stellar idea in my books. You know what works though? Tea. On Ice. It's perfect in the summer. Fresh brewed is the best, and my mom has the process down.
Or, let's say it is 25 degrees outside and the house is a bit chilly, but I don't want to turn up the heat. Hot tea does wonders in warming me up, but also giving me an option to drinking water. I like water with ice. Ice when it is cold is not appealing. Hot tea does the trick.
Naturally, when the friend mentioned earlier was looking for an alternative drink I suggested tea. His response? "I don't like tea."
The thing is I just don't get the "I don't like tea" argument. Mostly because the sheer variety of teas out there is far more than the types of soda. White tea, green tea, red tea, black tea, herbal teas, fruit teas, and the list goes on and on. To be fair, I have the same beef with the "I don't like beer" and "I don't like wine" arguments. With those at least a point can be made about the alcohol having its effects.
When I challenged my friend on the fact he "didn't like tea" he came back with the reasoning of "it tastes like dirt water". I will concede, if a person is used to drinking soda, the flavor of tea is going to be drastically different. It isn't sweet (sweet tea doesn't count, it is worse than soda). But dirt water? I'd argue coffee is dirt water, but I'm not a fan of coffee.

Blogging again?

I'm not sure why, but I tend to think in blog topics. What does that mean? Let's say I'm at dinner with a friend and we randomly start talking about Sporting KC. Somehow we migrate to the topic of the new women's soccer league. A grand debate ensues about the viability of this league. Immediately I begin to formulate my thoughts into a blog post. I have no idea why, since I haven't actually written a post in a few months now, but my mind starts running with how I'd put my thoughts on paper. I really think it is a process of formulating and organizing thoughts. I start relating what I'm thinking to articles I've read recently, or other posts that I know are out there. Yet, very rarely are blog posts fully formulated and cited journalistic pieces. I'm not sure if it is my high school journalism days or what, but when I start formulating, I also start considering what links and pictures might be included. What ends up happening though is that I never write the blog post. I think about it for days. I rough draft begin lines in my head. I pull information from sources that I find and then...nothing. There are blog posts from way back during the summer that are still rolling around in my head.
I've decided recently though that I'm thinking too much. In an attempt to curtail those thoughts rolling around in my head, I am going to start writing again. I sometimes will tell people I'm doing it, but really I'll just write. Not complicated, unabashedly raw, and aimed at just getting the thoughts out of my head. If you read this far, thanks for coming along for the ride.

Day 42: the End

In some respects I can't believe day 42 has arrived. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it has been that long, other times it feels like it has been forever.
We had whole wheat waffles this morning with some nutritional modifications, but they were delicious, especially with honey and blueberries on top. We did indulge a bit and have bacon, but the world won't end.
I golfed the Par 3 at OP and was really glad to be done at noon because it was getting HOT!
I came home to help a bit more with the room, but really ended up watching the Royals game on tv and being a bum. I did have a bowl of veggies for lunch.
Finally I showered and headed out to a KU Alumni wine tasting event. I really didn't want to go when we left, but was glad I did. The event was fun and the lima bean salad I had for dinner was pretty darn amazing, as was the lemon strawberry dessert in the tiny little cup. A perfect serving to me.
The challenge is over! I'm not going to go crazy, but I will begin eating bread, cheese and pasta again. No carb loading though. Now the real challenge begins, getting up early to work out. We'll see how it goes...

Day 41: Ice Cream Cake

The day started all too well, with a text to wake me up making me realize that I set the alarm for the wrong day. Dumb.
I went and played corporate challenge basketball, which was fine, we lost both games, but I pretty much decided I shouldn't play competitive team sports any more. I get overly competitive. I really try hard not to, especially when it is corporate challenge, but I can't help it. Then I get in a bad mood. To add insult, I usually end up hurting myself or being reall sore the next day. Probably best to quit while I'm ahead.
I went and picked up tile for the bathroom on the way home, and after only one trip back to the store had the tile I wanted.
I ate a huge wrap thing because I was starving, but I overdid it on the veggies a little bit. It was a bit messy to eat.
I spent the afternoon painting and helping dad get some of the bedroom/bathroom finished. The rest of the time I sat on the couch while he did all of the hard work.
While on my way over to Waldo Pizza, I stopped at my parents' house to return my dad's phone and was enticed by the quinoa burritos and guacamole that was for dinner. Never one to pass up free, good food. I stayed for dinner and wine. Finally made it to Waldo pizza for the graduation party and couldn't resist the chocolate layer ice cream cake. I tried to cut a really tiny piece and almost knocked the whole cake over, but the five-bite piece was well worth it.
It was also night two of drinking rose wine. A true testament to a French summer.