1 word: Need

I've tried this so many times before. This writing of things down. The way I feel, what I want, my frustrations, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I don't know why I never stick with it, but I do know I need it. Some nights the brain just won't turn off. I need to get it out. In the last few months I've written 2 real letters, to a real person to get some of it out. Now I don't really have anything to SAY to anyone per se. I need to probably. I need that part of the interaction, but maybe I just need to get it out. To say something, even if no one is listening. It reminds me of the new movie that is out right now called HER. It's about a man who falls in love with his operating system. People are saying it's crazy or stupid or not feasible. Am I crazy for thinking it actually IS feasible? That maybe sometimes it isn't about falling in love with someone, it's about falling in love with ourselves? About finding what it is inside of us worth sharing? Even if no one is there to really react? Isn't it about us sharing the high points of the day or the low points of the day or just the regular points of the day. Every day isn't going to be great. In fact, depending on where we are not many are going to be fantastic. In fact, every day might just royally suck. Until that point we figure out why it doesn't. Til we trick ourselves into knowing why it is good. Til we get over the pain and the frustration and the tiredness and the backaches. Then, as they say, it might get better. But in the midst of waiting, maybe what we need is just somewhere to put those feelings.

I'm going to try again on the happiness dividend. I'm going to try and remember 3 things I'm grateful for each day. I'm going to try and write for just two minutes each day the best part of my day. It probably won't be glamorous every time. But at least I'll be trying to look for it. And isn't that most of the battle anyway?