Saturday, April 23, 2016

Boo hoo for the I Do

I'm at a wedding this weekend in the Boston area. I haven't seen the person getting married for years, but was quite excited when I got the invite. This is my third wedding of the year and I love weddings. I think. Let's say I love them in theory. I love them for the people getting married. I love the pomp, the circumstance and I love them for the intention of it all. They usually don't disappoint with good food, good booze and good desserts. The dancing is usually fun and I haven't been to one yeat that disappointed.
But, while I was sitting in church today watching the exchange of vows, I also was sad. Sad for me. I caught myself wondering how I'd do things when I get married. Then the doubt slipped in. I used to always say "when I get married." Now, at the age of 34 the saying has gone "If I get married". Today through I caught myself thinking that might never happen. It's sad really. It would be such a good time. Not just for the wedding of course, but for all that follows.
When the priest was talking about love today, he was talking about how much of it is around. I have that in my life, sure. It is a different love though. It'd be great to have the kind of love people have to decide to get married. I haven't completely lost hope, but the older I get, the more the doubt of it ever happening is triggered. I remind myself often not to wallow in it. Life can be lived many different ways and I can still show love, I just have to look for it returned in different ways. In the meantime, I'll be happy in the love others have found and remain optimistic that someday others will be happy for me in the same way.

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